Prabhupada is Each Devotee’s Closest Friend
When I think of my relationship with Srila Prabhupada, which started in the summer of ’66 and continues eternally, I think the most crucial point is to always be able to turn to him. Perhaps that is why I prefer to remember him in the early days of ISKCON, when turning to Prabhupada was as easy as walking into his room. Our guru-disciple contract is still valid, perhaps even more valid now than it was fifty years ago, and I have come to value more his transcendental intimacy with Krishna. Prabhupada let it be easy at the beginning. But now I aspire for that greater intimacy.
The most important thing about Prabhupada is that he is a self-realized, pure devotee in parampara. But where does that leave me? Do I have a place with him? I need a pure devotee in parampara to lead me out of the material world. I don't want to be left behind, wandering in maya. I need him.
Certainly I am flawed and sometimes fear Prabhupada's displeasure. Perhaps he will reprimand me, or perhaps he will give me something new to do for him. I'm not sure what to expect, and I sometimes doubt whether I will respond to him as fully as I should or want to. Pleasing the spiritual master is a delicate thing—as conditioned souls, we are so filled with our own desires. But I know Prabhupada accepts me anyway. I have faith that he will help me now and always, and when I submit to the discipline of the spiritual master, these desires are dovetailed by him in Krishna's service.
Prabhupada is a giant compared to me; he has something very great to give me, and he is just waiting for me to want it enough before he will give it to me.[ meditations ]