One day I will no longer fear the dark, Because I will find You there. I will take in those deep breaths not out of shock, but out of need. Out of a deep yearning for You. Deprived of my “sight” the fragrance of You will be all that I will have. I will breathe it in until it overwhelms me.
No longer will I feel pressure like fighting for breath. That pressure will be You. I won’t fight it. I will lean into it. I will lean into the shelter of Your embrace. I will not shield myself from You. I will surrender all I am to you. And I will no longer be afraid.
I won’t jerk my hands out in order to better find my way. But I will hold out my arms so I can better follow Your way. So that I can feel You under the velvet cover of darkness. I will feel such a hunger for Your touch, found in the dark.
My body will not shake from shock, but from the ecstasy of having You near. I will tremble the moment Your breath brushes past my ear. Your soothing touch on my arm. Your powerful grasp around my heart.
I will yearn and long and surrender to it all.
And I will no longer fear the dark. Because You will have shown that there You are. Your very form dark like clouds of uncertainty. Dark like the long road to surrender. Your touch, tender and raw like the darkened road to soul deep recovery. Your voice, deep, dark and grave like the advice I was never sure I wanted but absolutely always NEEDED.
You are deep, intense, and dark.
One day…I will find you there.
And I will no longer fear the dark.
**This past year and a half has felt like such unending darkness and I’ve always been afraid of the dark. Afraid of being stranded and alone in the dark. While it felt as though I fought against daily urges to give up, sanga is everything. So one day a friend mentioned a thought about my Govinda’s darkness and how even that can be a blessing in our lives and I realized that maybe that was my problem. I had spent so much time avoiding the dark because I was afraid that I never stopped to actually look and see what jewels could be found there.
Now I want to choose to do things differently. While I know it won’t happen over night…one day, I will no longer fear the dark.
My Govinda is my shelter
I shall not fear…