Mercy from His Room

Some memories of Srila Prabhupada are difficult because they show my failures.  Some memories are sweet and completely reassuring.  I would like to start with one of the sweet ones, as it occurred in Swamiji’s private room at 26 Second Avenue.

One evening I went to Swamiji’s room and found him alone.  I had been reading a Gaudiya Math book by Bhaktivinode Thakura and it stimulated my intellect.  So I asked Swamiji, “What does it mean when Bhaktivinode Thakura says, ‘The darling of Nanda?'”  Swamiji explained it.  Then I said, “Bhaktivinode Thakura says that a person who sees the spiritual form of the Deity on the altar is the true theist.”  I was repeating this to Swamiji because I was impressed with Bhaktivinode Thakura’s expressions, and also I wanted to hear what Swamiji thought of the slight difference of words and concepts between himself and Bhaktivinode.  I made a few more comments and then Swamiji said, “Now go downstairs and let me finish my work.”  I suddenly realized that I had overextended his welcome to me.  Swamiji had better things to do other than chat with me about the meaning of Bhaktivinode Thakura’s language.  In obedience, I bowed down and left him alone.

On that occasion, the Swami gave me a little glimpse of the difference between us.  He could talk and listen to a young boy who was excited about his first reading of Bhaktivinode Thakura, or he could be composing Bhaktivedanta purports.  Prabhupada considered his time well spent if he could attract someone to Krishna, but it was sometimes embarrassing to see how we foolishly intruded.

Memory is such a nice thing for connecting us with the pure devotee.  When things happen in the flow of the present, you don’t always recognize that this is an important moment.  The present flies into the next moment and the next moment, and there are always distractions and nothing stops.  We don’t have a television playback to see the important moment that just passed.  But we want to be thoughtful about our relationship with Prabhupada, so by memory you can note, that was good, that was deep, that was substantial, that happened.