Why I Follow His Way

When I talk of why I follow Srila Prabhupada, I should speak for myself.

He was the only one who taught me of God and I listened.  He explained everything.  He represented a “science of God.”  He came to where I was on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, into my egocentric dirty life, when I was turning over Van Gogh’s question (“Is misery eternal?”) in my mind.  (According to scriptures, if you meet the sad-guru, eternal spiritual master, you shouldn’t wait to do something else or look for someone else — but surrender to him and take initiation as his disciple.)

He brought the chanting of the holy names and youthful hope about the chanting.  Although I’ve been chanting for fifty years without much progress, I still have enthusiasm — “What a great idea!  What an easy thing to do all the time!  And how devotional! — Chant God’s names!”

And he brought us the chanting in a musical rhythm of drum and karatalas.  Don’t underestimate the hold of the kirtana music with Swamiji leading us night after night.

He gave us a complete philosophy, Gaudiya Vaisnava siddhanta.  Lord Caitanya is the benedicting moon.  Radha-Krishna are the ultimate goal in Goloka.  The Gosvami philosophers teach the way, and Prabhupada is their latest representative.

“But later, when you grew older, didn’t you change your mind?  Weren’t you ever sorry for following him?  Didn’t you find it difficult to renounce so much?  Weren’t you disappointed by the institution?”  One who asks those questions doesn’t understand.  Celibacy, for example, feels right; it’s wonderful peace and simplicity.  Just for giving me brahmacarya, I owe my life to Swamiji.  He made it sound like routine work.  Disappointed?  Not so much.  I am in anxiety that Srila Prabhupada might be disappointed in me.  So many things went wrong, fell short.  But I remember when one of his first disciples went away, Prabhupada said, “It is not so amazing that someone leaves Krishna consciousness.  The amazing thing is if someone stays [because майя is so strong].”

We’ve almost all been disappointed by the institution at one time or another.  But the Krishna Conscious Movement is growing again; seeds are coming up in unexpected places: Russia, Eastern Europe, China.  America is surviving bad times.  So I have no regrets for taking to the spiritual path and working for the Movement.  I’m happy; I have a tangible connection with a pure devotee of the Lord.  I’m only sorry because if I see him today, he may show his disappointment for my obvious failure.  But he gives me hope, just as in the beginning.  I want to please my spiritual master by coming alive in devotional service unto Lord Krishna.