Praying to the Giver of the Holy Name

I don’t know much, but I was with the Swami.  He led the chanting and we sang with him.  He talked and we heard.  We went home and thought over what he said.  “The Swami is self-realized.  In the First Canto of Srimad-Bhagavatam, it says that you have to hear from a self-realized soul.  Swamiji says he is going to teach us about Krishna.”  I remember the books in his room, and the Swami in his room, and him coming down to have kirtana.

Years later Prabhupada said, “In the beginning, I did not tell them that you have to follow any rules and regulations.  I simply said chant.”  It is a fact, he simply said chant Hare Krishna and we chanted with him.  That was a different time when Swamiji was here on earth, and now he is not here.  He is in samadhi, gone back to Godhead.  He had left us behind to continue the Krishna consciousness movement.  We follow his instructions.

Sometimes my mind says, “If you go back to those days, you will be disappointed.  You will see that you were such a raw neophyte.  You had bad ideas in your mind and you did not fully appreciate the Swami.  Over the years, you have built up an image of how faithful you were and how much you estimated Prabhupada as very dear to Krishna.  That is what you think now, but back then …”

No, it is not true!  We held him in high esteem, I am sure we did.  I am not afraid to go back.  I know it will be imperfect, and I know that imperfection will be due to my perception.  So, my dear unconscious self and all other selves, do not be afraid to use this body and mind to allow us to go back and chant with Swami as it was then.  We can do it.

One may object, “There are so many things to do for Prabhupada.  Why sit around and try to remember being with him?”  I agree, but can’t we spare some time to try to do this?  Are we so effective now on Swamiji’s behalf?  Are we doing such tremendous things?  I mean, do we have such complete potency that we do not need to get in touch with him in a very personal and primitive way again?  The fact is, we do need to get in touch with him.  The essence of Krishna consciousness is not just propaganda and organization, but attraction to the Lord, and especially to the Lord’s holy name, which is the most merciful way that He appears in the world.  Yet, as merciful as the holy name is, He has to be given by a devotee.  You have to receive the holy name from a pure devotee.  Therefore, I remember those mornings when Prabhupada gave us the holy name.

Although I complain a million times over that I must be cursed because I cannot realize the chanting due to my offenses, I still chant, and I still think of you.  Bhakti is a great science; many have realized it.  I am slow, but I have realized some of it, too.  In the material world nothing can compare with this.  The bhakti-yoga of chanting the holy names as given by Lord Caitanya is very easy to perform, and it gives us our connection to Krishna.

O Holy Name, You are so kind that You came with the Swami to the Lower East Side.  You appeared there in the mouths of his boys and purified us.  You purified Tompkins Square Park and the whole atmosphere of New York City.  You kindly appeared in our kirtanas by the wish of Your pure devotee who knew how to form Your sacred letters.  Those “alphabets”, as Prabhupada said, are non-different from Krishna; they are Krishna.  You do not appear just by anyone’s combining of the alphabets K-R-I-S-H-N-A.  When Swamiji did it, You appeared in that storefront so that even crazy boys became enthusiastic to possess You.

O Holy Name, You appeared among us because Your pure devotee appeared among us, walking on his lotus feet, playing his karatalas in his lotus hands.  He looked at us and lived with us.  O Holy Name, You were happy to appear there and we are thankful.  We are sad, however, that we have offended You in many ways and have not been steadfast and strong to spread the glories of the Holy Name.

Initiation was my beginning, but I did not appreciate it then.  Now I wish to fall at Your feet and surrender my mind.

That is the best kind of memory, to actually go back in time and say, “I accept.”  Arjuna took an hour and a half to do it in Bhagavad-gita; we may have to take twenty-five or forty years to say, “I am ready, I accept.”