A Neophyte Prepares for Initiation (Part 1)

Sometimes I wonder how Swamiji saw me in those early days.  He had spiritual vision, and he was also a very perceptive gentleman, with much experience in business and in dealing with people.  He could see into a person’s character, and so he liked to quote, “The face is the index of the mind.”  What good did he see in me?

Although for a few years I had been living a strung-out life on the Lower East Side, I still had a karmi background of middle-class values.  By the time I met Swamiji, I had in some ways plunged over the edge and almost lost my physical life.  He must have seen that craziness in my eyes.  So why did he trust that I could follow the rules?  Perhaps he also saw my desire to be a respectable citizen in his ISKCON.  At least he hadn’t seen me high on drugs or making loose jokes.  I had shaped up soon after seeing him and had become eager to prove myself with responsible duties.  He could see that I was willing to keep my welfare job and give money.  I was the boy who typed.

But even though I had stopped the four major sins soon after meeting him, Prabhupada could see my leftover decadence.  I did not have to say anything; he could look right through me.  When he met me, he seemed somewhat startled, amused, and also compassionate.  Although Srila Prabhupada knew Calcutta and its gundas, beggars, and ruffians, still, because he was so pure and childlike, he was sometimes surprised to see that his ISKCON boys were also like that.  It was part of his learning to be in the West.

If you kept yourself humble before Srila Prabhupada, even when he was seeing through to your corrupt core, and if you had faith in Krishna consciousness and in Swamiji to help you get rid of those vices forever, then you qualified for initiation.