“Betting” Our Whole Life on Swamiji

I had a conversation with Raya Rama just before my initiation by Prabhupada.  I said, “How can I know for sure that I’ll be able to follow all these regulations?”

Raya Rama said, “Say it’s a gamble.  So gamble that it’s the right thing to do with your life – that there is God and that He’s the truth and that He’s Krishna.  We’re staking our whole life on that.  So what the hell? Go for it.  There’s always some risk or gamble in life, but this risk is worthwhile.”

His line of reasoning appealed to me.  I had been willing to risk my life taking LSD and doing other crazy things, so why should I become hesitant to be initiated just because I couldn’t see a guarantee?  In fact, if someone had given me all guarantees, it would have been hard to accept.  I took it as an adventure.  “Go for it – get initiated by Swamiji!”

On the night of the initiation, I was sitting in Swamiji’s inner room while Swamiji was in the worship room preparing for the ceremony.  Keith was sitting beside me.  I said, “How can we actually accept that the person Krishna is the ultimate truth?”

Keith repeated the Bhagavad-gita verse, “Krishna says, everything depends on Me as pearls are strung on a thread.”  That little quoting of the scripture by a godbrother helped purge me of some impersonal hesitation.  Godbrothers are so much like ourselves, so when we see that they’re faithful and that they have some knowledge, we accept it – and then we do it for ourselves.

Taking initiation is supposed to be a solemn commitment, not a casual undertaking.  However, despite our promises, we have to admit that we are taking a risk.  Srila Prabhupada was also taking a risk by accepting us as disciples.  He honored our vows and depended on Krishna, expecting us to carry out our obligations.  Srila Prabhupada’s coming to America was itself a risk.  Sometimes he had to abandon the strict regulations of sannyasa in order to stay and do the more important work of spreading Krishna consciousness.  When he stayed in Carl Yeargens’ apartment, he had to keep his food in the same refrigerator where Carl kept cat food.  Prabhupada explained that this was actually against the rules for sannyasa living but, “If I thought, ‘I can’t do this, let me go back to India,’ then I never would have been able to preach.”  In Prabhupada’s case, his risks were completely protected by Krishna.