Removing the Fear of Prabhupada’s Presence

The presence of Prabhupada in separation is a mystical topic.  He is not there in his physical form, and yet you claim in some way that he is there.  What are you saying?  Are you communing with spirits?  Is it something weird?

No, it’s not weird.  Prabhupada’s presence is very real and personal, and very tangible.  In one sense, it simply means to follow the guru’s instructions.  But his presence is also something inconceivable to the material senses and mind.  

I do not doubt that Prabhupada can be present before me, but I have some fear of coming into his presence.  I should remove that fear.  My fear is that he will reprimand me and tell me to stop what I am doing; or I fear that he will not understand me.  I am putting so much energy into my work and  sometimes coming up with some “discoveries.”  But what if Prabhupada dismissed all that I do as nonsense?  That would be hard to take.

Although I have some hesitation, I am trying to listen to what Prabhupada is telling me to do.  One way to accomplish this is by prayerful reading.   When I speak my mind and then read from Prabhupada’s purport and listen to what he is saying, I try to apply it to my life.  Aside from reading his books, I also desire his presence in my heart.  As I am alive and talking, so Prabhupada is alive and can hear me.  He can communicate to me.  This should be possible for all of Prabhupada’s disciples who are immersed in his teachings.  They know his way of thinking and speaking from his purports, conversations and lectures; so why should it be impossible for them to meditate on Prabhupada, desire his presence and know his will?  I should assume with more confidence that Prabhupada is my friend and that he is quite capable of understanding my mind.  If I make my position clear to him, he will understand.  And he will accept me.  I am a grown-up son now, at least in terms of years, although spiritually I am still a baby.  I am exerting my free will more than when I was a youngster.  And that I must do.  It is part of my surrender, to give my whole life and not just wait for Prabhupada to direct me at each moment.