Swamiji’s Attractive Beauty

Sri Krishna is “handsomeness and waves of nectar of handsomeness.”  (Brhad-Bhagavatamrta).  But Swamiji was seventy or eighty years old.  We were all young men, so why were we attracted to this “old man”?  (Swamiji used to say, “I’m an old man, I may die at any moment.”  And, “I am a poor foreigner.  Why are they after me?”)  He had the attractive features of a sage.  The way he sat, the shape of his head, the gestures of his hands.  He was from the East, like Gautama Buddha.  He sat on the floor or on the ground, and whatever furniture he had was at a low center of gravity, no chairs.  The aura and look in his eyes was from another world.  You can’t describe it, his shining eyes.  His eyes signalled, “You can look in my eyes but you will not be able to understand my love of Krishna, but that’s what’s there.”  He was childlike also, very sweet but very strong.  You couldn’t come before him like a rogue and a rascal and still approach him.  You had to accept that he was an elderly person, a guru, and you must be respectful to him, and then things could happen.  Then you could begin to perceive his actual beauty; he would relax and allow himself to be taken care of by you and exchange with you.

We were certainly not turned off by the fact that he was an elderly person.  We weren’t looking for youth.  We knew where our youthful smart-aleckness had gotten us—into trouble and suffering.  There was no question of sexual attraction, or as men sometimes do, squaring off with aggressiveness: “Can you beat me up?  Can I beat him up?”  With the Swami, it was freedom from all that because he was the guru, he was old, and he knew so many things that you didn’t know.

Swamiji kept spelling everything out: He was a representative of Krishna, and Krishna is there in His name, Krishna is there in so many ways, and we can serve Krishna and go to Krishna.  Aside from Swamiji, nobody was going to tell you about Krishna —that Krishna is God and that Krishna is a cowherd boy.  Krishna was so “far out” we couldn’t believe it, but every time we went in front of Swamiji, we had to believe it.  He kept up the reality of Krishna.  And in the books that he gave out—there was Krishna.  He made such a powerful presentation that you said, “Let’s go up and hear the Swami talk about Krishna.”  You would come to him with your concoctions, “What about this?  And what about that?”  But Swamiji would bring it right back to Krishna and you would accept it.  And so, gradually in his presence, hearing about Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and devotional service to Krishna, you started becoming Krishna-ized and you realized that Swamiji had knowledge and influence to do this to people—to create faith in them, for Krishna.  But you had to go back regularly to him and get it charged up.

He had unshakeable faith in Krishna, and he could see Krishna.  We sometimes imagined how he saw Krishna.  We couldn’t quite understand it.  When did he talk with Him, in sleep?  Swamiji would say, “Yes, you can talk with Krishna, but He only talks with intimate persons.”  We may not have known exactly how, but we did know that we were attracted to him because he had such conviction about Krishna.  I remember once in that room he said, “People can talk philosophy about Krishna, but what is their realization?”  Then I realized that’s what he’s got—full realization of Krishna.  Exactly how he realized, we didn’t know, but we had faith that he was experiencing a huge amount that we were not.

Those who were not his disciples thought he was pretty much like everybody else: an old man with Hindu knowledge, probably the same motives and drives as everybody else.  But we disciples believed in him and sensed that his perception of everything was very different from ours.  He was in touch with Krishna, and fascinating, attractive and lovable.  We could sense his mystic potency.  Even Allen Ginsberg saw it: “I would disagree with him and even suspect ego exchanges, but no matter how much I disagreed, I was always glad to be with him because of the aura of sweetness due to his complete dedication.”  Nicely put.  Even he, although not a disciple, when coming into the Swami’s presence, was able to see, “Here is a man who is totally dedicated and in love with Krishna.”  That made Swamiji beautiful; although he appeared to be an old man, he was beautiful because of his love for Krishna.