Reviving a “Canned” Swamiji Memory

I want to remember the time when Prabhupada accepted a daily mango from me.  The amazing thing is that Srila Prabhupada used to remember this insignificant act, and even in his very last weeks in Vrindavana, while recalling the happy days at 26 Second Avenue he said, “Satsvarupa would bring me a mango.”  So there was something about it that I wish to remember.  But when I try to recall the exchange, I come up with only the same old memory.  I complained about this to myself, to the memory “file clerk” whose job it is to keep all these memories intact.  He began to answer me back:

File Clerk: “You have spoken in a deriding way about canned memories.    But the very thing you deride is also a strength.  Time after time when you want to recall something, I’ve got it and I can supply it.  You feel it’s stale by repeating it, but what can I say?  At least you have them.  And you can feel sure about these memories—they’re reliable.  The fact that you don’t experience all the emotions you’d like to and all the colors you’d like to see, and that fact that you’re really not there as a person, but it’s the information presented in a codified way, well what can I say?  A memory is what it is.  So take it and appreciate it.”

When the file clerk spoke up so strongly, I began to pacify him, telling him my appreciation for his work.  It’s true he’s kept important facts for history.    But what about the actual experience?  We didn’t appreciate how important Srila Prabhupada was.  Now we understand that even things in relation to him which seemed unimportant at the time, were certainly worth keeping.   Nothing should have been rejected.  And so without criticizing the memories that still exist, I pointed out to my clerk that we should make more effort to remember Srila Prabhupada and not claim “that’s all there is.”

To this file clerk I replied: “I admit that memory is very deep and elusive: the ways of the mind are unknown to me also.  I did not deliberately reject anything about Prabhupada, but we are all subjected to forgetfulness.   Ultimately, Krishna is the final decider on these things.  From Him comes knowledge, memory and forgetfulness.  If He wants us to suddenly remember Srila Prabhupada, then that’s a great blessing on us, and if He wants us to forget something, it is our fate to accept that.  The files of memory have no bottom to them, and so we can go as deep as possible and still keep going.  If you like, we can do it together and keep trying.”

And so I researched for hours, but I found nothing new.  I have resigned myself, at least for now, to offering to the reader the same dal, rice and capatis that I’ve offered before, in hopes that someone out there is hungry for more of the same.  In support of repetition, I may offer this statement by Srila Prabhupada: “That question we have already discussed, but there is no harm discussing it again, because any substantial knowledge, if it is discussed one after another, twice, thrice, it is better.” 
(Lecture on Bg. 2.13, March 1966)