A Letter to Rayarama dasa Brahmachari
(from Satsvarupa dasa Brahmachari)

Dear Rayarama,

I’m an old friend of yours from the Krishna consciousness movement, Satsvarupa dasa.  It’s been more than two decades since you left Krishna consciousness, and probably you’ve forgotten it.  But please let me explain why I’m writing to you.  I still follow the teachings of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.  Recently, I’ve been trying to remember my first days of meeting and serving the Swamiji back in 1966 on the Lower East Side.  Along with recalling the Swami, I have rediscovered many memories of my friendship with you, and they are fond ones.  Therefore, I wanted to share them with you.

You were the first devotee who ever spoke to me.  I wandered into the storefront at 26 Second Avenue, attracted by the advertisement for Bhagavad-gita classes which was taped to the front window.  I felt shy, but you broke the ice and asked me my name and made me feel welcome.  You were always warm and affectionate in that way.  Although you had been following the Swami only a few weeks before I joined, I looked up to you, and you were able to answer some of my foolish questions.  For example, after attending the Swami’s classes on Bhagavad-gita for a week, I asked you, “What scripture will the Swami be teaching next week?  I would like to hear The Tibetan Book of the Dead”.  You laughed and said that according to the Swami, all spiritual teachings were contained in the Bhagavad-gita, so there was no need for a survey on Eastern religions.

The first initiation the Swami held in America was on Lord Krishna’s birthday (Janmastami) in the summer of ’66, when you were initiated.  I wasn’t ready at that time, but when I heard that there would be another initiation two weeks later, I asked the Swami to accept me as a disciple.  You greeted me later and said, “I heard that you decided to get initiated.  I think that’s wonderful.  I’m really glad.”

I had an apartment half a block from the Swami’s storefront, and when I offered to share it with the devotees, you became my roommate.  I remember having philosophical conversations with you while walking the streets of the Lower East Side.  Once we were talking about art and you said, “What is art?”  You pointed to an outdoor stand with fruits and vegetables on it and said, “See the way that man is placing the tomatoes in a box?  That’s art.  He could do it in a sloppy way, but he’s arranging it nicely and that’s art.”  You so much impressed me as a down-to-earth intellectual, that to this day I remember your “art lesson” vividly.  I even remember exactly where we were standing. 

We then walked up Fifth Street heading west, and I began to tell you of my love for the novels of Dostoevsky.  I said that there was a great searching for God in Dostoevsky, even though it was more a yearning than an attaining.  Many of Dostoevsky’s characters were great sinners, even criminals, but there was always the theme of redemption from sin and surrender to God.  You were the only one I could fully share this with, and you responded enthusiastically, “Yes, Dostoevsky is wonderful, he had a genuine search for God.” 

In those days the Swami didn’t try to convince anyone that they had to shave their beards, and so you and Hayagriva wore beards.  I remember you rarely wore an Indian dhoti, except maybe in the temple.  One time when we were walking together, I asked you about your reluctance to wear the dhoti.  You gave your amused laugh and said, “I’m sure there must be a spiritual planet where they wear pants.”

These are just little memories, but my main impression is that you were a serious student of the Swami with a quick grasp of Krishna consciousness siddhanta.  I’m aware that your breaking from Krishna consciousness included criticism of our spiritual master and the Movement, and your way of life has since become opposed in many ways to Krishna conscious principles.  In fact, when we tried to interview you ten years ago to help us compile the biography of Prabhupada, you refused even to talk.  I’m not so naive, therefore, to think that a letter of reminiscence is going to change all that.  Neither would I want to hear offensive things about Krishna consciousness from you.  But at least I wanted to go on the record, since I am remembering those old days, and tell you that my association with you helped me in the beginning of my spiritual life.  I want to remember all that you did in service to the Swami and to the worshipable Lord Krishna in those days, and I hope you too can remember it fondly, at least for a moment.

Yours sincerely, Satsvarupa dasa