Offering Obeisances to the Spiritual Master

The divine form of my master, Srila Prabhupada, frequently appears in my art.  On occasion, I draw or paint devotional pictures of Swamiji and me together at 26 Second Avenue.  There is one of me sitting in front of Swamiji and looking at him intently, prayerfully.  I was surprised when I drew it, but then it made me realize how drawings could create their own life, a new possibility in my relationship with Prabhupada.

In this painting Prabhupada looks like a murti, his skin golden.  He’s not looking at me.  He seems absorbed in his kirtana.  Or perhaps he is looking past me at the others who have assembled in the storefront.  That’s the freedom of the artwork – that you can place yourself right in front of your Gurudeva, intent on getting his mercy, looking up to him with worshipable eyes, trying to penetrate his solemnity, his peace, become absorbed in it.  One of the reasons I attempt to worship my spiritual master in this way is that my love for Prabhupada is the beginning and essence of my spiritual life.  Devotees sometimes ask why I put so much of myself in my writing (and drawing).  What can I say?  I exist.  Prabhupada told me that the feeling “I am something” is not wrong.  I simply have to understand who I actually am.  Then he taught me that I was Krishna’s eternal servant, and although I exist in a false conception, I exist in a real conception too.

Submission to Prabhupada was not a manifestation of false ego, but of Prabhupada’s mercy.  Therefore these drawings are not of my false ego, but of a person about to serve, who first came before his spiritual master to beg permission and acceptance.  Besides that, Prabhupada liked to see me.  He liked to see all his disciples.  He didn’t think we were ugly, because he could see past the body to the soul.  He was interested not in our expertise, but in our hearts.