Removing the Fear of Prabhupada’s Presence

The presence of Prabhupada in separation is a mystical topic.  He is not there in his physical form, and yet you claim that in some way he is there.  What are you saying?  Are you communing with spirits?  Is it something weird?

 No, it’s not weird.  Prabhupada’s presence is very real and personal, and very tangible.  In one sense, it simply means to follow the guru’s instructions.  But his presence is also something inconceivable to the material senses and mind.

I do not doubt that Prabhupada can be present before me, but I have some fear of coming into his presence – and I should remove that fear.  My fear is that he will reprimand me and tell me to stop what I am doing; or I fear that he will not understand me.  I am putting so much energy into my work and sometimes coming up with some “discoveries.”  But what if Prabhupada dismissed all that I do as nonsense?  That would be hard to take.

Although I have some hesitation, I am trying to listen to what Prabhupada is telling me to do.  One way to accomplish this is by prayerful reading – when I speak my mind and then read from Prabhupada’s purport and listen to what he is saying, I try to apply it to my life.  Aside from reading his books, I also desire his presence in my heart.  As I am alive and talking, so Prabhupada is alive and can hear me.  He can communicate to me.  This should be possible for all Prabhupada’s disciples who are immersed in his teachings.  They know his way of thinking and speaking from his purports, conversations, and lectures; so why should it be impossible for them to meditate on Prabhupada, desire his presence, and know his will?

There is a nice statement by Prabhupada in an Isopanisad purport about free will and initiative:

When one properly utilizes his initiative or active nature with intelligence, understanding that everything is the Lord’s potency, he can revive his original consciousness, which was lost due to association with maya, the external energy.

(Isopanisad, Mantra 4, purport)

I want Prabhupada to accept me and understand how I am trying to serve him.  I want to be appreciated and understood.  I want my offering to be accepted.  I hope that Prabhupada will accept my service and not kick it away.

Yet I know that my offering is faulty.  I should be open to any correction the spiritual master wants to give me.  In any case, my offering will be accepted by Prabhupada and Krishna, and I will get the result of my action.  To the degree that mine is not a perfect offering, I will have to suffer the results.  In the Bhagavad-gita, Krishna invites us to surrender to Him in many ways.  You take your choice, He reciprocates with you accordingly.  It is up to you; He is not going to force you.  But in the end, He says you should completely surrender to Him, and that is the best thing.

I hope that my proposal to serve Prabhupada is not so conditioned that Prabhupada has nowhere to enter into his relationship with me.  I am praying, “If you think that what I am doing is unacceptable, please guide me to do your will.  I want to serve you so that you will be proud of my contribution.  I wish to see myself as small and to appreciate the services of your many devotees.”

I would like to be in the presence of Prabhupada, and I hope it is possible more and more.  I can enhance it by writing letters to him, by writing Prabhupada smaraṇam, preaching in the temples, reading his books, staying fixed up.  Be a Prabhupada man and you will always be in his presence.  Go to Vrindavana, pray to his murti, do things his way, and then you will be in his presence more and more.  Speak his philosophy and do not be afraid.